


Your hands, My hands, His hands

by Geradsredskittle666



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Child Abuse, Depression, Doctor Whump, Eating Disorders, Eleventh Doctor Era, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 11:11:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12605300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geradsredskittle666/pseuds/Geradsredskittle666
Summary: Rory suspects 11 has been abused. Can Rory help him open up? Warnings: Abuse, depression, nightmares, PTSD, eating disorder, self harm. Pairings: Amy/Rory. Rory/11 friendship, Doctor/Master.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally published on my ff.net account of the same username on 20/8/15

**Your hands, my hands, his hands**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Dr who. This work is made for entertainment and I make no profit off it.

**Warnings:** Abuse, depression, nightmares, PTSD, eating disorder, self harm.

**Pairings:** Amy/Rory. Rory/11 friendship, Doctor/Master.

**AN:** This follows a format where I state a rule and then go on with the scene related. The story flashes back to his childhood and to the present.

Rule 1: Never admit the abuse to anyone.

_START DREAM_

_He winced at the sound alone. The smack of his skull as he hit the ground with some force. Blood ran down his face. He could feel it as it ran down his neck._

_The pain was near unbearable. The thudding in his head only increased. Still he would never give in. He would never cry out. He would never allow that satisfaction._

_The timelord glared back. His vision was unclear and it took everything to focus on a single target. He could barely see his fathers face but knew the man well enough. His father would be giving him that same cold calculating look, his smirk showing something between eagerness to break him due to the challenge and anger that he had yet to break. To even show a sign of weakness._

_Another blow to his head and he fell again. It might be over soon he thought serenely. He could hope._

_A kick to his stomach. He barely held his lunch in. Another and he bit his lip hard against the fresh pain. A distinct snap. He almost threw up again at the thought of another broken rib. Fresh blood ran down his chin and he saw his father start moving away. Swearing. Yelling._

_But it was lost to him as the pain filled his senses and he passed out._

_When he woke again, he was in the same position as before. Still in his room. He pulled himself up with a hiss of pain and had to steady himself against the waves of pain. It passed and he pulled out the first aid kit from under the bed. He patched up his head, noting that he still felt dizzy and unfocussed. Concussion with his luck. He moved onto his ribs. He wrapped them tightly and hoped for the best._

_He quickly wiped his face clean of blood and sweat. He looked almost presentable now._

_END DREAM_

Rory watched the timelord with concern. The Doctor was sleeping in the chair in the console room, curled up almost like a cat. He had seemed to be peacefully sleeping at first but he was shifting in his sleep. He seemed to be almost whimpering. He was biting his lip so hard it was bleeding freely.

Amy had wondered off to explore an hour ago.

Rory had enough of watching his friend in his nightmare. He shook him lightly to wake him up. The reaction was dramatic, the timelord woke suddenly and on high alert. Unseeing eyes surveyed his suroundings. Seemingly ignoring Rory, the timelord felt his head and then his ribs. He seemed confused.

Then he relaxed. He was panting and sweating still.

"Nightmare?" Rory asked not hiding his concern.

The Doctor seemed startled but relaxed. "Rory." he said, seemingly to affirm to himself. "Yeah. Nothing to worry about though." he said with a grin that didn't match his wary gaze.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" the human nurse asked.

The timelord merely smiled and looked away, still collecting his emotions. Rory could still see the fear, the shame and the resignation. Whatever his dream had been about, it was big. He was still nervous. He seemed to favouring his left side and seemed confused. Like something did not add up but he did not know what.

"Would you like me to check you over?" Rory asked carefully. The timelord stiffened but his eyes showed more fear than defensiveness. "Only if you want to." he added. The timelord hesitated but after a few minutes gave a brief nod.

Rory frowned at the strange behaviour. Something was seriously wrong but he doubted it was physical. The Doctor was acting like he was injured. Even worse, like he should hide his injury. Out of fear? What could scare the mighty timelord? Or maybe a who?

Had be been dreaming of someone hurting him? It had looked like he was checking for injury when he woke confused. It also looked like an ingrained habit. Whatever that meant...

Rory used his calm voice he used on scared children. "Want to go to the med bay where we can have some privacy?" he asked. After some initial reluctence and nerves, the timelord followed him.

"Come sit down" he invited, standing well clear of the bed. Proximity seemed to be what made his friend nervous he had noticed. The Doctor complied immeaditly. "Now I will need to check your head first, if you want me to stop, tell me. I won't do anything you don't want me to." he assured the wary frightened timelord. He noticed a slight relaxation. Almost undetectable.

He quickly set to work. He could see no bruising or red marks, so he reached to check under the mess of hair over the timelords fore head. He was not prepared for the whimper and violent flinch away from him. Fearful eyes looked back at him.

The nurse realised what he was dealing with now. It made too much sense. He forced his mind to focus again.

"I won't hurt you. Remember your in control here. You say stop and I stop. You say no and I won't touch you." he assured, still in that same calm voice.

After seemingly deciding that Rory was trustworthy, the timelord allowed him to continue again. Rory was careful with his movements now. He had to be. Wary eyes followed his movements but his patient had not flinched again so he was doing okay. He brushed the hair aside and announced that it was fine. No injury. The timelord relaxed slightly. He looked less confused now.

He moved onto the Doctors side. When he was about to touch him again, he heard another whimper. "Stop?" he asked softly. Hesitent frightened eyes locked with his in a silent plea. Rory accepted it. "Okay, I'm stopping." he said calmly much to the surprise of the timelord. He noticed an almost guilty look now. "Don't feel guilty. You decide if you want me to touch you." he assured again.

"Hurts" the timelord said quietly, his voice breaking the silence.

At first Rory was too surprised to speak. Not only was it the first time his friend had spoken in while but it was an admission of pain. "What hurts?" he asked softly.

The Doctor didn't reply. When Rory started checking his friends ribs again, the timelord warily allowed it. "Your okay" he announced after a few minutes.

The timelord seemed relieved. Almost immeaditly, he acted as of he were uninjured again. As if he was now sure, the odd out of place feeling gone.

Still under his confident stride, he seemed to shake as if afraid. His calm eyes warily surveyed the room and Rory. Rory frowned at the heightened awareness to danger. Another worrying sign.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

Rule 2: Never show pain or weakness.

It was another adventure. Once again they had run from some aliens wanting to kill them. Why didn't really matter after so many times? Maybe it was Amy's red hair or The Doctors childish disregueard of danger.

They reached the Tardis just in time, throwing themselves in. The timelord immeaditly set course for anywhere but there. Rory turned to Amy and checked that she was okay. As usual apart from some scratches and a bruise from landing on the Tardis, she was fine. Rory was okay too.

The Doctor had stabilised the Tardis and they had left the planet. His usual energy had faded now. He looked exhausted now. Rory had to admit he was worried. The timelord fell into a seat with his usual grin of excitement. "Enough adventure for today right?" he asked with a lop sided grin.

That was odd in itself. The Doctor was never still. He never admitted tiredness. He never got bored of adventure.

"Not until you let me take a look at you" Rory declared in his best nurse voice.

He could see how tense the timelord was even if he was pretending otherwise. The timelord was stopping because he needed to. That was worrying.

The timelord laughed "You know I'm tough. As if those aliens could stop a timelord like me!" he said putting on a brave front.

"Then you have nothing to hide" Rory just declared casually.

The frown on the timelords face showed displeasure at being outwit by a simple human. "I guess your right. Amy don't wait up for us. Rory won't be long." he said dismissingly. Amy looked annoyed but seemed to get the hint. Her boys needed privacy.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

The Doctor was sitting on the med bay table removing his shirt. He was quiet now. Rory tried not to show how worried he was.

"I know your hurt. What if you hide it and it gets you killed?" Rory chided.

The timelord shrugged.

"Okay, what about if your too hurt to take care of Amy?" he asked, trying another tactic.

This worked. The timelord seemed to understand. "I get your point. I might be concealing an injury" he conceded.

Rory smirked in victory. Of course now wasn't the right time or place. He quickly refocussed. He checked The Doctors vitals and his upper body for injury. His hearts were fast. However apart from some minor cuts and bruising he was okay. "And your pants" Rory said without even thinking of how odd it would sound. It was standard procedure.

He noticed how the timelord shifted awkwardly. The timelord clenched a fist and bit his lip hard. Pain?

He sighed. "Its your leg right? Let me help you." he said without awkwardness. He had scissors in hand. As he was about to cut, he noticed the timelord wince and freeze up. He was worried again. "I'll try be gentle but I need to help you" he said softly.

It took a few minutes but he managed. He gasp when he was the long cut along the timelord calf. It was still oozing blood. When he removed the cloth covering it, the timelord had yelled out in pain. That bad?

He took a few moments to calm the upset timelord. When The Doctor had calmed, he applied some painkiller and started treating it. It would need stitches. Cleaned up the cut looked better. The blade must have been clean and sharp. That was good.

The timelord was whimpering again.

Rory comforted the timelord. The nurse could only guess at how much pain he was in. "You will be okay. I need to stitch that up. What is safe to use on you?" he asked gently.

"Seccond shelf. Its blue. Should numb the area enough. Then shelf below, its pink. Should work on the pain all night." he instructed.

Rory nodded. "Are you okay for me to do this?" he asked carefully.

The timelord nodded and manouvered himself so he was laying down with a sharp hiss of pain. Rory frowned but didn't comment. He started by injecting the blue liquid. When he was satisfied, he began stitching. Thankfully the drug was working. He injected the pink liquid next before wrapping the wound.

He checked his patient was okay. The timelord was not in pain anymore. The Doctor had a half asleep smile on his face. He grabbed some blankets and put them over him. "Rest now. I suppose it won't take you long to heal now. Still, I want to check you again tommorow." he ordered kindly.

The timelord was asleep now. Rory knew the Tardis would wake him if anything happened

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

The Doctor was dreaming.

_He was at school. His father had really gone for him last night. He was sporting bruises, a concussion and at least one broken rib. On top of that he was receiving and extra punishment. No food until he learned his lesson._

" _Theta" he heard in an annoying sing song voice. That could only be one person. Koishi._

_He gave his friend his best grin. "Yeah, what?" he replied in a steady tone._

_He realised with panic that Koishi wasn't buying it. Infact he was receiving a look of great concern. What if someone asked? What if they contacted his father?_

_Oh Rassilion! He would be dead. Literally._

" _Whats going on? Don't lie to me. I'm your best friend." Koishi said._

" _Nothing. Why would you ask that?" he said unconvicingly._

_Koishi looked upset now. "Please?" he pleaded. "I know your hurt. Why would your father send you to school hurt?" he asked._

_He almost broke. Almost. "He doesn't know" he lied._

_Koishi frowned. "You haven't had lunch either. I know your always late so you couldn't have had breakfast." he said kindly._

" _Forgot it" he replied too quickly._

" _Share with me." the other boy said shoving half a sandwich in his hand._

_He paused only a moment before the sandwich quickly disspeared. "Thanks" he said gratiously. Maybe even desperately._

_Koishi paused before saying "If his hurting you, I won't tell. I'll even help you. I can bring extra lunch or help you with your injuries" he offered._

_The Doctor only grinned back in silent acceptence._

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

The next day Rory checked over his patient. Everything was healing nicely. However his friend was being unnaturally quiet.

He looked like he hadn't slept at all. Rory knew it wasn't pain. It was something more. He had always suspected nightmares. "Are you okay?" Rory asked. Of course he might not get an honest answer but it was worth a try.

The happy mask slipped back on as the timelord spoke. It was amazing how convincing the mask was. "I'm just fine Rory. I have had much worse in my time." his friend assured in a happy voice.

"Worse?" Rory asked.

The Doctor's eyes grew dark and he bit his lip hard. Then it was as if Rory had imagined the whole thing. "Nothing worth paying attention to" he simply said.

"Well I want you to be careful. If you need me, don't hesitate to call okay?" Rory ordered.

**AN:** R and R.


	2. Chapter 2

**Your hands, my hands, his hands.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dr who. This work is made for entertainment and I make no profit off it.**

**Warnings:** Abuse, depression, nightmares, PTSD, eating disorder, self harm, sexual abuse of a child.

**Pairings:** Amy/Rory. Rory/11 friendship, Doctor/Master.

**AN:** This follows a format where I state a rule and then go on with the scene related. The story flashes back to his childhood and to the present.

START

Rule 3. Never argue back.

Rory hadn't really thought about it until after Amy and him were safe from the creepy aliens in the old peoples bodies(whatever they were) or a freezing sun so cold it could freeze the Tardis (plus one timelord and two humans).

He was just happy to be alive. He was happy Amy loved him so much she chose him. He admitted he had been jealous of the timelord at first. After all what was a human nurse from boring Leadworth when compared to an alien that flew through all time and space in a police box? Some part of him knew that his jealousy was unfounded. The timelord seemed to show merely friendly affections. The irrational part of him still said maybe those touches meant more. Now he was confident in Amy's love for him.

Sure he was concerned about the timelords hatred of himself, any hate strong enough to be that strong was concerning. However in time even that seemed to fade too. He had his Amy and the timelord seemed to be handling himself.

Looking back Rory knew he had been a fool. He had almost forgotten the whole thing but it stuck in the back of his mind. Tiredly Rory let the events run in his mind. He had missed something vital. He was sure.

Meanwhile The Doctor was trying to sleep. When he had finally dropped off, his nightmare began

_The young timelord was in his room. A large figure stood above him, hand raise in a threatening pose. The timelord shrunk back terrified. The larger man just smirked._

" _Now, young man would you tell me why your here?" the man asked sweetly, a dangerous undertone in his voice._

_The timelord was shaking. "I got a B. I got a B in math. I didn't mean it. If it weren't so boring-"he explained shakily._

_The man glared at the shaking child. "Yes you got a B. You failed your family. Don't you dare make excuses!" he thundered. A loud slap echoed in the room._

" _What have a told you boy?" he asked calmly._

_The child bit his lip, his eyes were looking away. He knew the answer but didn't want to admit it. "I really am sorry" he said softly._

_The man didn't waste time on a warning. He forced the child's head up, roughly gripping his chin. His dark eyes glittered before he sent a powerful punch to the child's face. The child cried out and landed roughly._

" _Fine. I get the message" he spoke softly, tired. Giving up. "You said I was stupid. Worthless. Trouble. I deserve my punishment because I'm trouble. I don't try hard enough and shame you." he said in a resigned tone._

" _What does that make you then?" the man asked dangerously._

" _I'm worthless. I'm not worth the clothes you give me or the food I am allowed. I am trouble. I am stupid. I should try harder or accept my fate" the child spoke. His voice broke and tears ran down his face._

_The man grinned. "Yes you are. That won't stop you being entirely worthless though right?" the man said lustily._

The Doctor woke violently. He paled and quickly ran to the bathroom. He threw up what little dinner he had in him.

The timelord tried to push the thoughts from his head. The mere thought of that particular nightmare was enough to make him sick. He ran to the bathroom just in time for round two.

The Doctor was catching his breath again when he heard foot steps behind him. That could only be Rory...

He turned from his spot on the cold tiles to find a half dressed Rory looking at him concerned. When the nurse reached his hand to steady the timelord, The Doctor flinched away. "Rory, just give me some space okay?" he said as firmly as he could.

Rory frowned but stepped back, watching the timelord carefully. When The Doctor had stopped shaking as much and his body had relaxed, Rory tried again. The nurse couldn't feel any fever under his hand.

"Not sick" the timelord said, tense again.

Rory didn't believe him.

"No seriously. I just had a nightmare. I'm fine" the timelord insisted urgently. Rory was torn between going or helping the timelord. Helping won out as he knew it would.

Despite The Doctor's protests, he was still shaking and waving unsteadily. He attempted to push himself up off the tiles but had to grab the wall.

Rory quickly put an arm around his friends waist and helped him. The timelord tensed but didn't push him away. Carefully the two made it back to the bed. Even on the safety of the bed, Rory didn't lesson his hold. He was still too concerned.

After a minute of silence, the timelord spoke. "Nightmare." he said simply.

Rory didn't reply, waiting patiently.

"I talked back." the timelord spoke again. Even without context, Rory could hear the accepted defeat. It wasn't the time to ask though.

Rory just moved so he could offer the timelord a hug. The timelord gripped him like a life raft in a storm, his warm breath on the nurses neck. Soon Rory felt him relax and even out his breathing. Sleep.

How could he have missed something as important as this?

The Doctors darker self was acting just like the one who had harmed him. An internalised instinct of worthlessness and well practised behaviours. How had he missed that not even once, had the timelord disputed or fought back against The Dream Lord? Of course his friend rarely did so to anyone else...maybe for Amy's behalf but never for his own.


	3. Chapter 3

**Your hands, my hands, his hands.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Dr who. This work is made for entertainment and I make no profit off it.

**Warnings:** Abuse, depression, nightmares, PTSD, eating disorder, self harm.

**Pairings:** Amy/Rory. Rory/11 friendship, Doctor/Master.

**AN:** This follows a format where I state a rule and then go on with the scene related. The story flashes back to his childhood and to the present.

START

Rule 4. No one can help you. No one will help you.

_Koishi found him at lunch. He had taken one look at the way Theta was holding himself before pulling him up. They made their way to an empty classroom._

_Koishi may have had little sympathy for others and may have had an enjoyment of others pain but this was his best friend (maybe more some day)! He felt angry that anyone would hurt his friend. It was not right!_

_His friend had not spoken. The other timelord kept his eyes down and seemed distant. It was worrying..._

_Koishi pulled out the first aid from his bag and got to work. It was still silent except for the occasional sniff from his friend. Done._

_The timelord found himself wrapped in a tight hug. Koishi stiffened, not used to such contact but tried to relax. Theta was crying openly, something he never did. That in itself was worrying! Finally he broke contact with an apologetic smile. Koishi's mind buzzed with the unspoken emotions he had felt from that contact._

" _Sorry, I just..." Theta said before pausing to find the words._

_Koishi shook his head. "We are friends. Share if you want." he assured. It was an offence to share ones thoughts and feelings with another without permission from them but clearly his friend had been overwhelmed. It was okay._

" _Its just its all so much! So much...everything! He will kill me one day...I don't want to keep going home but its worse if I don't. Its either home or..." Theta trailed off brokenly._

_Koishi glared at him. "No. You hear me? I said no. I don't care if we become the most bitter of rivals, I won't let it end this way." he said firmly, trying to calm himself. "Share!" he demanded._

_The other timelord just stared back in wonder. "I don't want to hurt you" he said softly._

_Koishi shook his head. "I asked for this. If you hurt me, its my fault. Won't you share?" he said firmly, insisting._

_Finally Theta nodded, placing his fingers on his friends face in position. At once Koishi felt a wave of overwhelming emotions – guilt, anger, sadness, wanting to give up, fear but worse than that was the strong urge to want to die. The image of a kitchen knife stolen away at night when his father slept and the sickening anticipation. It took all of Koishi mind powers to get his emotions under control._

_Koishi growled, his eyes dark. "Your coming home with me. I don't care what that beast does. I can't...I won't let you kill yourself." he said clearly. His tone said not to argue._

The Doctor tried to shut out the strong emotions in his mind. He tried to calm himself. But he knew his only remedy. Touch. Yet this was something he did not seek. Why would he? Who was he, the destroyer of worlds, the oncoming storm and the useless boy turned useless man to even have the right to ask?

No, better the nurse and his Amelia stay safe and unaware. Those that helped him got hurt. He got hurt. Better off this way.

He fingered the sharp blade in hand. It felt cold and welcoming. The old blade was familiar. The storm of emotions eased just a little at the sight.

The slashing of the knife to his arms was a practised act. He fell into a familiar rhythm, the world fading in favour of the bliss. He heard a sound near his room and quickly stashed the blade in a draw, settling in his bed as if asleep. He felt Rory's sharp eyes and heard the nurse leave. He checked the damage he had done. His arms were bleeding but not fatally. The cuts were beautiful. Lines of blood red on pale skin. A work of art. How could he cover such art?

He found himself easily slipping into restful sleep. Sleep he badly needed.

His nightmare was worse than usual _._

_This was the worst of his punishments. He had stayed out too late with Koishi. His father had waited up for him, looking menacing in the darkness. "Hello son" he greeted darkly._

_The Doctor didn't even try to defend himself. He knew it was useless. He would be beaten to a pulp._

_His father grinned evilly. "To my room for your punishment. It would not do to wake your mother." he warned._

_He felt a sense of dread...still he dutifully followed his father._

" _Now since traditional punishment doesn't seem to work, let try something new." his father spoke menacingly. The Doctor could read lust in the other mans face. It was frightening._

Rory heard the timelords whimpers and came running. He found his friend tossing and turning, sweating. The blankets had twisted around him like a net. The timelord was crying and pleading for someone to leave him alone. He sounded more and more hysterical. Rory was really worried by now.

Rory tried to wake him, at first it wouldn't work, the timelord trapped in the nightmare...but thankfully he showed signs of waking.

The Doctor woke though he looked unaware of his surroundings. Rory approached carefully, though The Doctor still flinched when he came near. That seemed to wake him fully. He rushed to the bathroom where Rory clearly heard him be sick.

The human nurse was beyond worried now. He followed him in, noting the pale and shaky looking timelord. "Its just me. Just Rory" he spoke calmingly. The timelord simply whined in reply, though still looked at him warily. The timelord tensed as he came closer, relaxing again when Rory merely sat in front of him without attempting to touch him. He allowed The Doctor to adjust to his presence, making no sudden moves or attempts at contact, just staying where he was in his vision. When enough time had passed, he spoke. "Are you okay now?" he asked concerned.

The Doctor shook his head. "Never okay" he muttered.

Rory noticed that while his friend was looking better, he was shaking still. His friend had thrown up yesterdays meals (if he had even eaten) too. He would need food sooner rather than later. His nightmares were a major problem too. Nightmares this bad? Rory refocussed on his friend. He reached out a hand and placed it on the timelord shaking cold ones. "Its okay. I'm here. I want to help you." he spoke softly.

"Help." the timelord affirmed.

Rory was relieved. "May I?" he asked, pausing before coming beside his friend. The timelord nodded. Rory moved to sit beside the timelord, pulling him in for a hug. The alien seemed to melt into the embrace. He responded by pulling the timelord closer to him.

He let the time pass, surprised when he heard The Doctor sobbing softly. "Hurt" the timelord spoke.

Rory was worried. The timelord admitting to pain? "What hurts?" he asked softly.

"Head. Too much. Too much." The Doctor winced. "Too full."

Rory rubbed the others back comfortingly. "Does anything else hurt?" he asked softly.

"Arms." The Doctor replied, shifting to get closer to Rory's warmth.

"I'm glad you told me. Can I see your arms? I can fix it. Make it hurt less." the human nurse says kindly, trying not to plead.

The timelord considered him warily before nodding. He tried to pull himself off the tiles. With a whine of pain, he slipped back down toward the floor. Luckily Rory caught him, half carrying him to the bed.

Rory easily removed The Doctors shirt, gasping at what he saw. The timelords arms were filled with small cuts, neatly done. Cuts that were self made. Recent too. Rory quickly started treating the wounds with as much professional detachment as he could. The timelord remained still, worryingly compliant.

Rory finished bandaging. The timelord was looking better already. "Can you go back to sleep?" he asked softly.

The Doctor tensed under his touch. That was an emphatic no. Must be the nightmares. "What if I stay with you?" the human asked promptingly.

The timelord seemed to accept that idea, though he was giving Rory a strange look, as if confused that he would bother. Something in him seemed to break for he hugged Rory without warning, burying his face in Rory's chest. Rory could feel him shaking and his shirt grow wet. He could do nothing more than comfort the timelord until he looked ready to rest.

AN: R and R.


	4. Chapter 4

**Your hands, my hands, his hands.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Dr who. This work is made for entertainment and I make no profit off it.

Warnings: Abuse, depression, nightmares, PTSD, eating disorder, self harm.

Pairings: Amy/Rory. Rory/11 friendship, Doctor/Master.

AN: This follows a format where I state a rule and then go on with the scene related. The story flashes back to his childhood and to the present.

START

Trust was precious. That was what he had learned.

Trust was innocent and foolhardy, like the trust the child had in a parent. A parent that would end up beating him to a pulp every night for even the slightest fault.

Trust was life. Like the trust in his friend that gave him school lunches among other things. A safe place to hide. A comforting hug.

Trust was never empty. Never meaningless. Even when lost.

He wasn't sure he trusted anyone now. Sure he trusted his friends but just how much? Was that even _real_ trust? Or was that an illusion that kept him safe from having to invest real trust and get hurt again?

The Doctor was sitting in his bed, legs drawn to his chest and face buried in his knees. He didn't know how he should feel. Or how he felt…he was sad but couldn't seem to cry. He was angry at himself for questioning his friends loyalty. Their precious trust. He was tired. Oh so _tired_ of it all. He was upset. This made no logical sense.

He instantly thought of his trusty blade. The one that had comforted him and made everything better. But was that an option any more? But if that was the case, what was his options at all?

He instantly remembered being against Rory's warmth. The touch he so yearned, in his grasp. He _wanted_ that. But would the human even understand? Or comply?

His legs seemed to have a mind of their own, forcing himself out of the bed and in search. The pair were in their room but Amy was long asleep. Rory looked uneasy and tired. Should he disturb the human who so desperately needed his sleep? He hesitated at the door...then it opened to reveal Rory looking concerned.

The Doctor practically whined "Rory!" and that was all that was needed. Rory looked alert again, taking the older man and half guiding him back to his bedroom. Rory knew better than to ask, the timelord was beyond words, feeling without boat and without anchor. He merely pulled the timelord against him, murmuring comforts.

This time there were no tears to mark a beginning or end, just an iron tight grip and uneven breathing. But by the end of it, both males slept deeply.

GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGH

Amy was not concerned when she woke up alone. She knew her husband was needed by her imaginary friend. The man who had seemed to carefree and wise to her child self...now she saw past that. And it killed her.

She had wanted a fairy tale ending for her fairy tale name. She had found a prince...and then a nurse. When she had grown up a bit more, she realised that maybe her prince was as she imagined. Not some white knight on a horse that fought off enemies with a sword and saved her. After all, not even her parents were around to save her, why would a mad stranger?

Now she was wiser. He had come to save her. He had played the knight and she had played the damsel, but the truth was much more. He was the damsel in desperate need of her. And her true knight. She should have seen all along that her prince was really Rory. That her knight...or rather centurion, was really Rory.

Now she wished that she could believe as a child again, so naively.

Seeing her former prince so...vulnerable...was difficult.

Still...he husband had enough to deal with.

GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGH

The Doctor woke first. He felt calm...Rory always seemed to do that...how could a simple human make him feel so calm?

He wanted to stay but he felt uneasy. He knew he could trust the human but couldn't help his inherit wariness. He untangled himself. What a horrid thought?! To distrust a man who had been giving him so much help...that just would not do. He did not deserve this kindness.

Damn his emotions...just what was happening! He pushed away the urge to cry. No that was not an option!

He found Amy already in the kitchen making tea. He frowned, picking up her hurt telepathically. His Amelia did not deserve to cry!

They made their tea and sat. "Whats wrong Pond?" he asked, clearly not taking no as an answer.

Amy looked up, surprise in her vulnerable eyes, lips parted slightly. Before the emotions disappeared from her face. She sniffed but shook her head. "Couldn't tell you even if I wanted. You'd feel bad." she said quietly.

How could she think that? Feel guilt over feeling natural emotions? Over what, hurting him? Making more work for her husband? Didn't she see that this was what her husband was good at? What he was driven to do? "No. Amelia...don't pretend what I am...going through...is more important that you. Don't. Just...just tell me. It doesn't matter if it hurts me." he spoke, voice breaking but remaining steady and determined.

She cast him an uncertain look but spoke anyway. "Your such a girl!" she accused softly, with undertones of anger. Pausing she realised she had not explained so clearly as it had seemed in her head. "I mean...I guess I'm used to you doing the saving. Not needing the saving." she spoke softly, sounding resigned.

He laughed. "Me too, Pond. Me too. You think I'm any better at this?" he replied honestly.

She smiled. "Nah, your rubbish at playing the damsel. And you would look terrible in a dress! Not to mention you would go mad spending forever in a tower." she joked.

He pretended to be offended. "I'll have you know that I look wonderful in a dress! You just have no imagination!" he joked back.

She just smiled back. "Seriously though, if you want someone to talk to..."she offered.

He nodded back.

The moment was interrupted when Rory entered. "I hope its Amy in the dress." he joked.

The pair just grinned at him.

AN: Reviews most welcome. More coming soon.


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